Why is trusting Him so hard?

 

  trust
noun

1. 1.

   firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.

   "relations have to be built on trust"

   synonyms:

   confidence, belief, faith, certainty, assurance, conviction, credence;

I just realized today that I am in a season of learning how to trust God. I was thinking about all that is happening in my life right now and I took a step back and saw that all of these things I'm going through, require trust. I'm not sure what's on the other side of the unknown. I don't see the big picture and I don't have any ideas that'll help sketch it out to get to the final master piece.
     I find that some things are easy to trust God with and some of them are not. Why is it hard for me to trust? I realized that part of it is fear of being disappointed. Isn't that a weird fear? For example, I don't know where the Lord is going to take me and my art. I don't know the ideas He will give me or if anything will even happen with my art so, I don't really dream about it too much. I kind of just make stuff and see what happens. I don't push for my art to be seen and I don't really sell it. I am afraid that I will dream up something big, try it, and then fail. In that failure, I would be disappointed that my dream didn't happen. I didn't always do this but, something must have shifted in me to cause me to be afraid of my dreams not being fulfilled. I must have been disappointed somewhere.
     Anyway, I just have some decisions to make and I have some unanswered prayers so, I need to trust God. Easier said than done right?
    But I remember, God is faithful and He will never leave me! He knows the plans He has for me; plans for good and not disaster, a plan to give me a future and a hope(Jer 29:11). On top of that , I will be in perfect peace if I trust in Him and if my thoughts are fixed on Him. I will trust in the Lord for He is the eternal rock(Isaiah 26:3-4)!

So again, the song Oceans by Hillsong is my hearts song right now:

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown, where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep, my faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours, and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed, and You won't start now

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

Alicia


P.S. Please be praying that I get a job or that the Lord gives me clear direction to pursue my photography business full time. I need some answers! ;-)