Sometimes writing on this blog makes me feel a little disconnected. I really enjoy doing this challenge and being real and giving you guys the inside scoop to my life but the reason I feel disconnected is because I would prefer to sit with each one of you and not only share my weaknesses, strengths, dreams, passions, or stories but to hear yours as well. I don't mind writing my life on a blog; that's partly why I started it- for you all to get to know me and get rid of the façade that my life is perfect. I am very thankful for the things I have and I am truly blessed so I do have a lot of good things in my life BUT I do have a lot of
1. Communication- I never realized I was bad at communicating until I got married. Growing up, I would shut down and close up whenever I was angry and I would be super passive about things that people did or said that I didn't like. When I fought with my brother I would call him names or scream at him(like most siblings I would think) and if my parents made me do or talk about something I didn't like I would have an attitude. When I got frustrated I would cry and go to my room. I never knew these were bad communication habits. I never said how I was feeling and never knew how. Then I married David and for the sake of having a great marriage, I HAD to learn how to communicate correctly and honestly, I am still learning. I had 21yrs of the same habits so it's taking awhile to break them. David is a very communicative person and is more logical in his emotions than emotional. I feel everything and react out of my emotions and when he feels an emotion, he thinks more logically about it, breaks it down, and then communicates it. He has helped me tremendously learn how to communicate what I'm feeling. When we were first married I remember that if I was angry or frustrated with him I would shut down and sometimes not talk to him for a day or two and he would be so confused as to why I was reacting that way. Finally when I was over it I would tell him why I was upset and then he'd coach me on how to do it better next time. Finally, after trying and trying again, I can communicate! Well, better at least. Like I said, I still have much work to do but I am committed because I love my husband and I care for our marriage! I want to succeed! 2. Comparison- Ok this is about to get real but this is something the Lord is working on in me fo real! I've shared before that I have had a hard time sharing certain gifts of mine out of fear of not being good enough and I feel it goes hand in hand with me comparing myself to others. I'm not sure when this started but I have realized about myself that when someone is better at something than me, I get super self conscious and kind of throw an inward hissy-fit where I get super dramatic and over react and say "fine, I'm just never going to do art(as an example) again! I'm not even that good at it, that person is better than me, I suck, I was never meant to do this, God why didn't you give me mad skills like that person, I hate my life, why can't I be as cool as them, blah blah blah." Not only do I do this with my skills but in life as well. I'm sure a lot of us do this but when I see someone's "awesome" life on Facebook(or any form of social media) I think "well, I need to go shopping to have cute clothes like her, why doesn't my husband and I do stuff like they do, wow they get to travel a lot, my life sucks because I can't travel as much as them, wow they have an awesome call on their life but what's my call God? Where are you? Man, they're much more holy than I am because they spend so much time with Jesus and get to do awesome stuff for Jesus and I can't do those things because I'm stuck at work, and so on and so forth." And this is why God is working on this with me. His hand IS in my life and He has me where He wants me. I just need a little help believing it and I don't think social media helps. I think we all put our best moments or pictures on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter and so on but, that's not the whole story or the whole picture. Because of my weakness of comparison, I have had to do multiple fasts from social media because if I get too much of it in me, I start to feel really bad about myself. I have gotten better and I'm barley scratching the surface of believing the truth about myself and who God says I am. It's so hard but necessary to walk in the fullness of who I am. I will get there someday!
3. Procrastination- Yep, this has always been a weakness of mine. This is going to be short and sweet (I know what you're thinking...Hallelujah) but if I have to do something I really don't want to do or takes a lot of work, I will put it off. Back in high school it was the big school projects or the long homework assignments but now, as an adult it's the taking to get my car window fixed, organizing my file cabinet, putting things I don't need right now in storage, and yes, honestly cleaning stuff like vacuuming our room/studio. I need to get better at this stuff!
4. Finishing/following through with projects- There's probably a lot of us out there but I'm one of "those" people who gets really inspired to do something and starts it but sometimes has a hard time finishing it. This can include an art project I'm working on, sticking to a work out routine, sticking to an organization system, promising to make dinner every night, finishing a scarf that I'm knitting, etc... I think the only times I do finish something is when I have someone to do it with or I enjoy it SO much that I WANT to finish it or I HAVE to finish it or it could be bad! I am definitely working on this but it's not top priority because I do finish it eventually! Lol
5. Discipline- This, I would say, could fall under #4 but it has a couple sub-categories that don't quite fall under my previously listed weakness. I would say that, in general, anything I don't finish can be caused by a lack of discipline like sticking to a work out routine or an organization system but there are some of those other things are just laziness. Another area I lack in discipline is, shopping. Now, I'm not an insane hoarder who has to have 3 of the same thing but sometimes I do go over budget when I shop (gasp!!). I know it may not be that big of a deal but, it is to me. It's definitely an area I would like to work on and grow in. Normally I go over if I find something I absolutely love or have too many on sale items lol. On top of that, if I don't buy something for a month I get this feeling like "I have to have something new!" I'm not sure why, but it's there so, that's where my weakness of lack of discipline comes in and I go shopping! I'm crazed I tell ya!
Well, there you have it! The REAL Alicia. Hope it doesn't scare you away or make you think too differently about me! If you're willing to share, what are some of your weaknesses?
Alicia
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